A blank canvas….

What’s on my mind today? Oops, I am blank…….

It’s about me that I assume things a lot. What if? Can I? Should I? Will I? Ah, people think I am sceptic but that’s what haunts me, because I feel I am not that. Who cares about what I am? It’s generally that what others think about me. I do things to please others; I wear things to look good to others. But where I am lost in this space is an interrogation I am battling to myself. 

I need to do something for myself to solve this examination of mine, was a new idea which struck my mind. So, now my master mind which people call sceptic mind started thinking about a solution. Though all the assumptions came in, I continued scratching my idea deeper.

I don’t know what crashed in me; I went and bought a blank canvas, stepped out of my home, went to a nearby school. As I knew the school people and the children very well, I could talk to them for a while. I asked children to do something on the blank canvas. The time I left, I got a colourful painting which had flowers, animals, chocolates and all innocent things which were expected. I then realised life is so colourful. My day was beautiful and filled with all colours that day.

Next day, same blank canvas but I thought of trying with different set of people. As it was a weekend, I went to meet my friends. After all the Hi’s and Hello’s, I gave my canvas and told them to do something with it. Then I understood, people think a lot to do something on it, unlike the kids. Why don’t we trust someone and do what they tell. It’s just because we think a lot and start making sense out of every non sense. Finally I got my filled in canvas. Guess, what it was by the end of the day? A stylish hand bag, jewellery designs, funky party atmosphere, their signatures etc. etc. painted on it. Hmmm, I got that people will not remain kids anymore because they are not kids anymore and they become self-obsessed after a point of time, may be even I was one among them.

My exploration on the blank canvas continued, I met a group of friends who were in their “mid-life”, gave my canvas and told them to do something on it. My day ended with seeing a lot like, World tour, well settled children to take care of them, lot of bank balance etc. I got that there was lot of things on my canvas but winded up with a word called “Expectation”. 

Keeping all three canvases in an order I tried drawing a conclusion from them. Oh, pictures say so many things. It’s the same person whose mind-set changes. Of course, it has to change. Why should it change? Because, if you become an adult and start thinking the way a kid thinks, people won’t accept it. And being a kid if you think like an adult people say, look he is over matured for his age. So how should I be? Finally my assumptions didn’t stop chasing a huge set of questions but what I made out of it was, we live in this world more for others and less for ourselves. And for me, my battle with the canvas ended with the kids leaving a thought saying, it will be difficult for people around you to accept a kid when you are grown up. But never let a childlike heart in you to ever die. It’s about being childlike and not childish.

Ranju….

On a lazy day……

On a lazy day, when I peeped out of my little window…..

I saw a little girl asking her poor parents an expensive chocolate; they managed to fulfil her wish….

I saw a young girl asking for rich attire in her wardrobe, they bought it with great pain without showing that pain in them….

I saw the girl as a grown up and asking for her true love.

What happened? Darkness filled around, pains and frustrations came, sorrows danced…..

All mixed feelings were from the same hands, which had once reached the heights to cover the pain.

When the bleeding hands can manage the worldly attractions, ignoring the pain, why can’t it manage the sweet love?

This was the question on my mind at the end of my day and my lazy day ended with a question mark which continued unanswered….

From a lazy day again a fresh day but with an unanswered question……

Ranju....

Miss you….

Miss you Honey, Miss you Darling, Miss you Sweetheart, different terms suffixed but Miss you is the prefix which means a lot to me. There may be people who think differently than me or they may not even agree with my argument but what I feel is “Miss you” is the term which brings more happiness to me than “Love You”.

In three years of my graduation days I saw many proposals, many acceptances and many heart breaks. However we friends were, by the end of each day we missed our gang too much and our good night messages had a “Miss You guys, see you soon tomorrow” always. For those wonderful thoughts which I still hold, a big “Miss you all” deserves.

It was end of our student life. People parted but there is something called attachments in this world, once you get detached from one, you get attached to another. I was ready to see the professional world. So many sophisticated people, so many meetings, so many conferences but we enjoyed that Professionalism and we all became so close that our professionalism was not seen after a few days between us. Though we are in touch, I not being in that beautiful home of friendship a big “Miss you all “deserves.

Now as I am not working and waiting for my exam results and as I hold a title of “Free as of now”, it doesn’t mean that attachment left me. It’s still with me and I am getting attached to different set of people now and in fact have got attached to many. For those people who are still near to me but so far that I miss them each moment a big “Miss you all” deserves.

Ranju….

Control……

My mouth’s watering, Pizza’s, cakes, pastries etc. etc. etc… are disturbing me. The only thing on this earth which is uncontrollable is the word “Control”. This post is dedicated to me, coz I am suffering from this disease of “Control”.

I started gym from last week, for my good fate the gym is in the area where I have to cross my favourite eat outs (Mc’D, Dominos, Hot chips and many more). While I am back home after my two hour long tiring workout, all of the above will invite me like never before.

The devil inside me pops out and tells- “Hey, go for a last time. You should never disappoint people who invite you so well”. 

Angel inside me- “No Ranju, You can eat for whole of your life”. I somehow listen to Angel inside me and disappoint all the inviters, speedup my bike and come home.

When I was not on dieting, Programmes in the TV as soon as I first switched on were, Mickey Mehta’s exercises for a perfect body, Yoga from famous Gurus Etc. Now, when I am back from an exhausting workout the first thing I see on TV is Sihi Kahi Chandru’s Bombat Bojana, Sanjeev Kapoor’s Kaahana Kazana….. After seeing this I definitely understand God’s testing me.

I thought it was the end of my test from God. Because my instructor told me that I could eat egg. I was so damn happy. I love egg, so I myself call me as an “Eggitarian” coz I am not a Non –vegetarian.

With full enthusiasm I was going to the shop behind my home to buy eggs. A dog chased me and bit me. As it was a small wound not leaving my wish to eat egg, I went to the shop, bought egg, kept it at home and went to the Doctor.

I went inside the clinic; Doctor gave me the medications and conversation between us went like this.

D – With Serious voice, are you a veggie?

M- Yes Doc, But I eat only Egg.

D- You should stop eating Egg and Egg products.

M- Oh yes, I can do it. But till?

D- Till your medications are over, that is, till you complete 5 injections spread over a months’ time.

M- You mean, I should not eat egg for a month!!!

D- Yes, my dear. (With a sarcastic smile)

With an ear to ear smile on my face. I went home, returned the eggs which I had bought, to the vendor. And felt sorry for poor me for a while. But, I believe laughing at our own funny stories is the most wonderful enjoyment. So, I told all my stories to my Sis, Brother in law, Mom, Dad, Friends and laughed at myself and now I know “Control” is so “Uncontrollable”.

Ranju....

A Magical bell....

After a tiring day at office, finally I am back at home. Let me sit on my lazy chair for a while, take rest and then see what else is left for the day. 

Comfortable lazy chair, I wish I would be you in my next incarnation, so that, I could always sleep. Saying this, I went to a little nap which took me to a wonderful dream land.

That’s me in a cloudy palace, what am I doing here? I am searching for something, what’s that? That’s a bell. I am so happy holding it. Why is it so? Hmmm let’s find out what’s happening with me. I look so rich (at least in the dream) I am holding a bell which I found in this cloudy palace. I rang the bell; a servant comes and keeps my diamond studded shoes on the velvet carpet!

Here I am in a gorgeous chariot, going around my palace. I feel I have the power in my hands and I have to use it. Do you know what that power is? It is a bell which made me a princess. This bell had a special character- if I ring the bell and wish for something I want; it grants me the wish in eye blinking time.

I was a normal person with lots of ambitions to achieve. Suddenly I was a changed person with power in my hands. And all my ambitions looked small in front of the power I had got. I didn’t give a second thought as to what happens when I lose this power. I started converting all my ambitions into reality. I cut beautiful trees and constructed roads, I thought chariot is old fashioned and wished for luxury cars, I built factories, and I changed a real naturally built region into a concrete jungle. These were all made by just ringing the magical bell.

Finally after all my ambitions were done, I had to appoint more people to look after them. I appointed Chief Ministers, MP’s, MLA’s etc. etc. to administer the world I had built. One fine day at my palace I am resting with the magical bell next to me. A person rings the doorbell of the palace. Where my servants are? No body are seen? I took the bell rang it. Guess what? It’s not working.

It took a while to understand what had really happened. 

After I had built my own concrete jungle and gave a name for it as development of the society, there were people who were jealous of my progress. The news of me having the magical bell had already spread so far, that people without my notice wanted to have it and fulfil their wishes as well. When I was resting, the bell which I had used was replaced with a dummy one by the authorities whom I appointed and was used for corruption without my knowledge.

After I see there were no servants to open the door, I go near the door to open it. I was stabbed and killed by the person at the door. This was to maintain the secrecy of the bell. 

Again the door bell’s ringing and this time it’s not a dream and is a reality.  The dream had taught me a lesson .I was scared to go near the door. I panicked what if someone stabs and kills me. Then comes an aggressive voice from my sister who is standing outside in a heavy rain, yelling at me, Ranju, can you open the door for god’s sake. How many times I have to ring the bell?

I explained the whole story to my sis and with a big laugh we got out of my dream and wished this dream would not come true because if we have something so easy to make our dream come true no one in this world would strive to reach their goals.

Ranju….

Always keep smiling and laughing, it costs nothing...

Human is the only being on the earth, who has very special qualities which separates him from other animals in this world. Yes, that is his thinking power, reasoning power and most importantly smiling and laughing power. 

Imagine one fine day; you lose the power of laughing…. How will this world be? Turn around and you see all grinning faces have turned into sad faces. You get up in the morning expecting a nice bed coffee from your mum or wife; you see them serving with a gloomy face. It is always said that, your day depends on your mornings. So, you in turn feel bad seeing them and whole of your day goes for a toss.

With the same mood you get ready and start to your work place, the person waiting at the door to pick you up for your office has no smile to welcome you. You are again let down. And after a while you get to know that even you have lost the power of laughing and smiling at others. You go crazy and try smiling but you can’t. 

You enter your office and see miserable faces everywhere. Your colleague is unhappy, boss is unhappy, boss’s boss is unhappy, client is unhappy. Even you are unhappy coz all around you are unhappy. You start working with the same thing on your mind that why am I not able to smile or laugh at others? You go in front of the mirror and try smiling. Oh, you are laughing and smiling. That means you are normal.

Again you come back to your seat but now you can’t smile or laugh, you think, what’s happening with me almighty, why am I not able to smile at people? Now you peep outside your office window and see a little girl selling flowers with all smiles on her face and you are astonished. How can this little girl smile when I am not able to? You rush to her, stop her and ask, Hey, how are you able to laugh and smile at others when others can’t?

She sells a flower to you first and while taking it, you smile at her and take it. Again you are in that trauma that how can you smile now? She now tenderly answers you, Smiling at others when you receive or give something is a real power given by god…. You can only see others smiling when you do the same thing. When I sell my flower no matter how the other persons face is, I smile and sell them. So, in return I get a beautiful smile from them.

Now, as you got the perfect response.  You rewind and go back to what all happened in the morning. I was the one who dint smile at my mum or wife when she served me, I could have smiled. I was the one expecting wishes from the driver, I could have wished him. I was the one who felt all my colleagues were unhappy because I was, I could have waved and spoken to them with a gag which I daily did.

You realise now, World cannot stop one day and take away your happiness, cheers and laughter. It’s Human who mistakes and stops doing certain things which he is capable to do without expecting from others.

So, always use your power of smiling and laughing coz it costs nothing……

Ranju....

What else could be better than a Play?

“This is my 74^th show. I have participated in all the shows till date. And of course I will be in the next show as well. Without me the show cannot go on”. 

All the above statements which I made are very true except the last one. Yes. It was my 74^th show, Yes. I participated in all the shows but without me the show could still go on…. Because I was amongst the audience.

This Art form made me so crazy that, at any point I would think, What else could be better than a play? I wondered how the artists performed in front of live audience. How could they change their thoughts and usage of stage so spontaneously?  How would they maintain those expressions without getting distracted? Many question marks but only answer was the person’s involvement into the character.

By the end of my 74^th show of the same play, I was so much into the heroin’s character that I had the same expressions of the main lady of the show every time when she changed her expressions. I knew the dialogues by heart. When I came home I started acting in front of the mirror and I felt I was better than her. But who would appreciate my acting? Only I should. No one knew about my hidden talent of acting. So, I could not expect anyone’s appraisal. Keeping it to myself, I felt prouder day by day acting in front of the mirror.

Finally this evening I am very happy coz this is my 75^th show of the same play. As usual I was early to the play to catch the first row and be seated before anyone could. This was because I dint wanted to miss the heroin’s expression. I sat in a seat in the front row, I was feeling as if I am on the stage, as if I am acting and of course no one’s watching me, coz no one’s around. I laughed at myself, and consoled myself for not being a part of such a fantastic art form.

“Ho!!!! What am I hearing? The heroin’s not well, what? she is in hospital? Gosh, how will I run the show? Where is my back up Artist? You guys could not reach her? I have sold more than 1000 tickets. I am ruined….”This is what the Director of the play said when he could not reach both of his Artists.  I heard all these from the back stage as the hall was noiseless. I entered the back stage, I saw the director worried. I went near him; I rushed all my guts and told him, Sir, I heard everything. I can help you. He was astonished to see someone from audience in the backstage and tell that I could be of his help. He suddenly stood up and asked, can you find a backup for me? With all my guts again, “Sir, I can act for you.”

Director was literally shocked. What? someone from audience could act? I can’t believe it. I explained him my acting skills and how many times I saw the same play. I gave a quick audition as well. Director was impressed, permitting me to play the main lady’s role and told his last few lines like this “Any way I am ruined, Let me give you a chance”. These words of his, made me little disappointing. Yet it was challenging.

God, what am I doing? There are nearly 1000 audience. Finally, I am in front of them. I was on that grand stage. The things which I admired in the last show had become reality to me .Those lavishing screens, those bright lights, and most excited and anticipating audience. That experience was totally speechless and unexplainable.

I am done with my role as a heroin, I got the loudest applauds. And here comes the happy Director to introduce me. He thanked me on stage and gave a speech to the audience regarding me and my acting skills. He was overwhelmed to have someone from the audience to act for him. From that day, I was given a role in his play. Without prior experience I got a job, for this I had to thank myself and guts inside me.

That day I recollected my statement which I made before -

“This is my 74^th show. I have participated in all the shows till date. And of course I will be in the next show as well. Without me the show cannot go on”.

And how it is changed now -

“This is my 75^th show. I have participated in all the shows till date. And of course I will be in the next show as well. Without me this show couldn’t have been completed”. 

Believing in yourself will make you reach the dream, which you thought was just a Dream.

Ranju..