Thinker Rambles…

Alone in the wild she wishes to be, 

Where she could reach the skies and feel the sea,

For none could stop her from being free. 

In search of a home she yearns to build, 

Somewhere in the unknown, sunny or chilled, 

For none could find her being mulled. 

A world full of kindness and harmony was her gaze,

Mockery and prejudice set ablaze,

For none could solve her daring maze.

She picks herself wounded or broken, 

To explore and wander though shaken, 

For she has a temerity of a thinker which can’t be taken! 

Ranjana…

Magical hands and silent prayers...

Finally you knocked on our doors and got a feastful welcome, Little did we know what our lives would forever become. 

We were lost amidst smiles, giggles and laughter, 

That’s when you were creeping inside us to slaughter. 

To learn a positive news is always a glee, 

But this time, the word ‘positive’ silenced me. 

Masked men and women rushed me to put an ounce of air in my body, 

By then, you were swaying with joy to take over me and I was completely tardy. 

A room without sunlight and away from my family I lie, 

Fighting for my life and death with a tearful eye. 

Caged away from my clan I suffer in silence, 

I plead to talk to them and beg for a glance. 

Numerous wires, tubes and pricks yet numb, 

Angels in disguise try to revive me and did not let me succumb. 

For the efforts of so many magical hands and silent prayers, I fought you, 

This is my justice to show the world that solid trust and faith can chew you. 

All said and done you are really not defeated, you have just moved away from me, 

Lurking in every corner to knock somebody else’s life down the radar, 

Be vigilant, the invisible craves for the beeps of the monitor and the high swung meters of the ventilator.

Ranjana...

PS: A huge shout out to all the doctors, nurses and the support staff of Sagar Hospital Banashankri for bringing back my dad to life, heartfelt thanks to the doctors who connected virtually, big hug to friends and fam who never left our side. This post is dedicated to many such warriors who brave their lives to save others. 

Forever indebted.  

𝔸 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖...!

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕦𝕤 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣, 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕀 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥? 

𝕀 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕠𝕕𝕒𝕪, 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥  𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥. 

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥, 𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒 𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕜, 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕒 𝕞𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥? 

𝔸𝕟 𝕖𝕗𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕣𝕖 

 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕤𝕙𝕦𝕥. 

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕫𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕤, 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪

𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥? 

𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕪 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖

𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕝𝕦𝕥. 

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕤𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕖𝕪𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕒

𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖, 𝕒 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕔, 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕦𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥? 

𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕𝕟’𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕗𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕟 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕤𝕡𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 𝕥𝕠

𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕤𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥. 

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕜𝕚𝕤𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕔𝕦𝕕𝕕𝕝𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖, 𝕀 𝕔𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖, 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕀 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕟𝕠𝕨, 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥? 

𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕦𝕤 𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕠𝕕𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕠𝕦𝕝, 𝕚𝕤 𝕒𝕝𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕚𝕟

𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥. 

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕓𝕝𝕖, 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕪 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥

𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖, 𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖? 

𝕃𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙, 𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕖, 𝕟𝕠 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕟

𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕠𝕣 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕀 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕞𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖. 

𝕃𝕚𝕗𝕖, 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖, ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕪 ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕞𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕣, 𝕀 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕔 𝕥𝕠 𝕦𝕟𝕧𝕖𝕚𝕝. 

ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕛𝕒𝕟𝕒...

That day after every day.

“By now I have lived with more than ten versions of myself. How, do you ask? Because I am literally living different versions of self daily. How fancy is it to live life for a day? Of course, it’s very adventurous” I exclaimed. “But I can’t live with the fear of dying daily Phione”, Rose said looking terrified. “Ya, I understand where you come from but look on the bright side, I get to wake up at the same party every night and every night I meet different people, talk to them about our lives and get killed eventually to be woken up in the same party again”. Rose continued looking terrified and starts to walk away from me. 
Note to self : that I’m strong and death doesn’t scare me anymore. 
Was I being too affirmative? Did I really like living a life for a day? Did I start to enjoy it? Oh wait, it’s almost time to die again. See you soon with a different story and hopefully with a different person. 

“By now I have lived with more than ten versions of myself. How, do you ask? Because I am literally living different versions of self daily”.
“Oh! You have started to use great pickup lines Phione, Did you say you die daily and wake up in the same party and I got to believe you”? “Raj, I’m not lying to you, I literally die daily and wake up in this party to die again”. “Oh yes, obviously you do. I have been pranked whole of my life and you little miss can’t get away with this one. What have you been smoking? I’m walking away from you, little weirdo”. 12AM Raj walks away and the lights fade on me. 
Note to self: Few people never trust you, don’t try and explain.Period. 

“By now I have lived with more than ten versions of myself. How, do you ask? Because I am literally living different versions of self daily. I die everyday and wake up in this party to eventually to die again”. Granny nodded with a smile and told, ”have some aspirin your headache will go away”. “Granny, I have been saying something to you which is serious, have you come across this kind of situation anytime in your entire life till now? I’m suffering. I’m done being positive”. She smiles and hands over an aspirin and walks away. “Don’t leave, I’m serious, hello! Please”. Before I go, a quick note to self: People might listen to you, they might advice you as well but not every problem has one same solution. You got to find out what suits your situation. Listen but choose wisely. 

“By now I have lived with more than ten versions of myself. How, do you ask? Because I am literally living....Dan walks towards me, hugs me, kisses me and stops me from continuing. “Oh, am I hallucinating Dan”? “His eyes meets mine, he gives that optimistic hope with those bright eyes of his. He makes me sit next to him, he holds my hand”. 
“I don’t want to die today”. I look up and say, “Dan stop here, I did not have any fear of dying but now, I don’t want to let go of you. You are the only one who has shown some love towards me and have told me that I have a medical condition and promised to help me. I don’t want you to go away too, before it’s midnight and I fall asleep and wake up to not find you, be a good memory and walk away right now”. “He never left my side, he said he was sure to help me. He also said,  tonight if you go and not meet me at the doctors tomorrow, come find me near this fire place”. 12am I am gone again but with a heavy heart this time. 

“By now I have lived with more than ten versions of myself. How, do you ask? Because I am literally living different versions of self daily but I’m happy today”. Do you ask why? Because I’m near this fire place with Dan who has taken great care of me and we celebrate our 25th anniversary today. What a great party it has been. 
A happy note for self: there are few and particularly that one person who never leaves your side no matter what. Trust them, love them unconditionally. 

A quick tip for life: Mental health is as bad and as suffocating to the person suffering as physical health is. Don’t live with it. Talk about it, spread awareness and remember to love beyond words. 

PS: Storyline Inspired by Russian Doll series on Netflix but none of the above incidents are related to the said series. 
Image courtesy: Google image. 
Ranjana...

It is really you!

Then, the silhouettes stopped me from seeing you

Oh! I know he is the one; but this struggle, is this really true? 

Love is always one sided is what I believed 

When our glances met, my love for you was cleaved. 

Soon we liked, loved and got severely attached 

Our love conquered the whole city but we were jinxed to be detached. 

Seasons changed, years passed, skin is pale but love was still searched for 

New lives came, things were fresh but it was all happening outside because you were still very far. 

Heart skipped a beat when I saw you today

I felt a fresh breeze, new life, a whole new enthusiasm and I was all ready to slay. 

That moment of joy my head was hallow and heart was stupidly in love indeed

Thoughtless, emotions empty, not an iota of physical craving creeped. 

Wiping my tears of delight, I came close to you 

A hand on your neck, a peck on your cheek came not from me but that was your little daughter dove.

Something strong shook me and I realised then, I was so close to you yet I felt you were still not here 

Ran into his arms who always made me feel special and near. 

How kind were you to accept me as I was though you missed me each moment from within 

It took me so long to realise that it was really you and I would like to finally forget the past to move on and begin. 

It is really you! You who has to leave the past in the past because such is life and not everyone will wait for years to accept YOU. 

PS: Inspired by an episode of Modern love ‘when Cupid is a prying journalist’ which shows how we hang on to the past and never realise the fruits of present and future. 

Image courtesy: Fine Arts America/Googled image 

Ranjana...

I’ll wait for you!

From the windows I peep, behind the doors I hide.

Waiting for you oh! Mother, My big blue eyes opened wide. 

You walk in with an infectious smile, looking for me who is all shy. 

Your sweet voice tries to yell, I’m looking for a bird where did it fly? 

Behind the screen I stand, hypnotised at your beauty. 

God must have taken a lot of time to craft such an artistry. 

Still looking for me you said, so many days passed without a hug and a kiss, I wonder where my little bird is? 

Ah, I’m so tired, I want to get fresh but first, let me touch my beautiful whizz. 

I flew to you without further-ado, holding you tight was all that I wanted to do. 

In your eyes you held infinite affection but it was also dark and blue. 

I waited for you for so long, did you not want to see me? I cry. 

Today you look like a goddess, I really want to be half as beautiful as you before I die. 

Never say that my little bird, an empty canvas is better than a bad painting she said. 

My life is full of lusty people around me, who don’t even care if I’m alive or dead. 

For you I live, for you I strive, you are the one behind my existence. 

My beauty is all there is and I have no clue about my life’s distance. 

I’m sure your journey was long, the paths were thorny. 

I’ll become your falcon and protect you from all that’s uncanny. 

I promise to see only that prettiest side of you. 

From the windows I’ll peep, behind the doors I’ll hide and I’ll always wait for you. 

Ranjana...

PS: Inspired by philanthropist Madam Sudha Murthy’s great work in abolishing Devdasi system in North Karnataka. Let’s do our bit to bring in peace and joy in our society. 

Image/Painting Courtesy: Artist, Magda Urse and Google. 

Tree Story!

What’s life after death  like? Do I believe in afterlife? What will I be doing in my afterlife? 

I think I know the answer already. 

Something struck me when I was travelling in Croatia last weekend. Nature’s beauty is preserved so well in this country, clear blue seas, not even a piece of paper on the streets, high respect to the nature so on and so forth. 

As I drove around the country I wondered about how beautiful it would be to be a tree. Since the birth, during life and afterlife they are considered useful. I love to think spiritually and connect spiritually with most of the actions I take in my life and I wanted to continue something similar in my afterlife too. 

I quickly asked my husband. I know you can survive without me but I cannot, so, if I leave one fine day, will you promise me to put my ashes in my garden and grow a tree on it?  As someone who has been tolerating my stupidity, he calmly answered okay, I will. 

What happens if I become a tree, I will still be alive, I will still have a life, I’ll be giving life to many lives around me, I’ll live and die for others and still be alive. I will be helping humans to survive and I’ll be helping nature to be preserved. There will be houses built all over me in the form of pretty nests which will bear many lives such as birds/butterflies etc. I will see the world through their eyes. They will carry me with them, fly out one day, put me in different parts of the world and my legacy will live on.

My life and afterlife will always be what I wanted it to be, fly high, see places and enjoy life. 

Live life and afterlife.

PS: Inspired by an idea on social media coupled with my personal thoughts. 
Image courtesy: Google. 

Ranjana...